In today’s world self-improvement is often considered to be the ultimate path to happiness. From self-help books to fitness routines and productivity hacks, the pursuit of self-betterment has become a pervasive cultural ideal. This desire to improve ourselves makes us forget our true identity and why we actually choose this path in the first place, Thus making us more dissatisfied than ever.
I’m writing this because I am sick of living like this. And I’ve since turned something that I was good at and loved into something that I don’t enjoy doing anymore. But I don’t want to let go, and I want to experience that feeling of self-satisfaction and fulfillment again.
Part of the reason that I can’t go back is that I dug myself so deep that I can’t climb up the hole that I’m in. Considering the amount of time and effort I put into this in a young age, starting over is not an option for me. One could argue that It’s never late to go back and start fresh. But I believe that’s just nonsense. What we do and how we live our life and circumstances shape our mind and ideas, thus you can’t go back and start fresh. What they probably mean is to ignore all that happened and live in a life of denial which is obviously not the smartest thing to do…
The Myth of Self-Improvement #
The path of self-improvement is fundamentally wrong because it externalizes happiness, making it conditional on achieving an ideal state which is often defined by societal standards rather than personal values. And even if you reach that place where you feel like that you are happy, the happiness won’t last long and, you’ll soon find yourself doing the same thing again striving for more.
I used the word “Myth” because one cannot just improve himself without going through the process of self-destruction. In the journey of self-improvement, we often find ourselves reaching a metaphorical mountaintop—a place where we believe we have achieved something significant, only to realize that this summit is not the peak of our true potential. To reach greater heights, we must be prepared to descend the mountain first before we could ascend to greater heights. This down-going is not a fall, rather a vital part of growth. It requires facing the darkest parts within ourselves, questioning our deepest beliefs and tearing down the false ideals that limit us. Just as a phoenix must burn before it can be reborn, we too must unlearn what we thought we knew, and let go of what no longer serves us, so that we may rise again, toward a greater summit.
What is great in man is that he is a bridge and not a goal; what is lovable in man is that he is an over-going and a down-going. I love those that know not how to live except as down-goers, for they are the over-goers.
- Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus Spoke Zarathustra
This down-going undermines the endless cycle of self-improvement, revealing that happiness is not achieved by climbing higher or acquiring more, but in engaging with the core of our being and finding joy in the process rather than the outcome.
Doing By Not Doing #
Think back to the time when you first started doing something you genuinely loved. Remember how it felt almost effortless, how you did it just for the sake of fun, without worrying about results or outcomes? That is the essence of doing by not doing or “Wu-wei”—the Taoist concept of “non-action” or “effortless action”.1
Wu-wei is about aligning with the natural flow of life and acting in harmony with it. In the state of wu-wei, we do not force outcomes; and we let it emerge naturally. We are fully engaged, yet without stress or strain. This state of flow allows us to live authentically and follow our true passion.
In this day and age the society and the media wants you to think that the harder you try, the better the result. But the truth is that the harder you try, the worse it will get. Instead of obsessively trying to fix ourselves, what if we simply pursued what genuinely makes us come alive? Following your true passion is not about relentless striving; it is about doing what naturally brings you joy and fulfillment. This approach not only cultivates happiness but also leads to natural self-improvement. Skills develop, knowledge deepens, and personal growth happens—not because we are forcing it, but because we are following the way that the things supposed to be (or we think that it supposed to be).
The harder we try with the conscious will to do something, the less we shall succeed. Proficiency and the results of proficiency come only to those who have learned the paradoxical art of doing and not doing, or combining relaxation with activity of letting go as a person in order that the immanent and transcendent unknown quantity may take hold. We cannot make ourselves understand; the most we can do is to foster a state of mind, in which understanding may come to us.
- Aldous Huxley, Complete Essays
That Or Just Simply Live Your Life #
If you’re not into that (finding out your true potential and limits) alternatively, you can consider abandoning the relentless chase for external goals altogether and find joy in the simple act of living itself. Modern society often compels us to fill our lives with ambitions and activities that are driven more by external validation and societal norms than by our own genuine desires. These activities are basically what Ted Kaczynski referred to as “surrogate activities”—things we do not because they are truly meaningful, but because we need something to do in a world where most of life’s basic challenges have been made too easy.
In our contemporary world, fulfilling our fundamental and physical needs like food, shelter, and even social interaction are effortless. Services like Uber Eats or DoorDash bring meals to our doorsteps with a few taps on a screen. We talk to people using social media without ever leaving our homes. Using Amazon, we can have any material good delivered to us, without the need for any real effort. And most importantly the entertainment is also at our fingertips; we stream endless content on YouTube and Netflix. Even exercise, which was once a natural part of daily life through manual labor or walking from place to place, is now replaced with guided workouts on treadmills that take us nowhere.
The tools and services may seem convenient and productive, but they often take away the small moments of joy and meaning found in doing things more traditionally—living life as it unfolds, and finding happiness in our everyday moments: camping in the nature, enjoying a warm cup of tea, cooking food that we love and the pleasure of a good meal shared with friends, enjoying the warmth of the sun on our skin… These moments are often overlooked, yet they provide a more genuine sense of fulfillment than any achievement ever could.
By doing this, we reject the notion that our worth is tied to productivity or achievement, and we begin to embrace a philosophy that values presence over performance. We learn to appreciate life, without the pressure of arbitrary goals or manufactured challenges. In this way, we find a deeper and more authentic form of joy that is not dependent on external circumstances or societal approval but rooted in the richness of simply being alive.
What Now? #
I’ve decided that I’m not going to forcefully try to follow the path that I think that is better for me, rather I’m going to just find the projects and things that I like to do, and to improve myself only to find my true potential not for the sake of mastery because mastery by itself does not mean anything and at the end I’ll die just like everybody else. Thus, I shall use the little time that I have doing what I love and find joy in the process rather than the outcome.